From: patty.
To:
Sent: 6/5/2008 5:06:14 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time
Subj: Fwd: Joke
Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed
his clothes. All the animals laughed.
Tarzan asked 'Why'? The animals told him......... ..'Your tail is in the front'.
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At a busy bus stop, a beautiful young lady wearing a tight fitting skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the Samaritan and yelled,'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The man smiled and drawled, 'Well, dear, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were already good friends!!!'
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An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: 'I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.'
The man looks a little perplexed and says: 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.'
The doctor answers: 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.'
The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!'
The doctor replies: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.'
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease'.
The guy says to the doctor: 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: 'Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!'
'Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.
'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself. You save money'
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Five tricky questions
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
Answers:
1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
4.. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!
5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.